Monday, 9 November 2009

Kit Malthouse, Bananas and Appendicitis.

Question: What do Kit Malthouse, Bananas and Appendicitis have in common?

Answer: All are pointless,slightly annoying  little things. None of them actually do much although bananas are quite a favorite food for chimps.Chimps being the creatures we are said to be related to only us humans are suposed to be more evolved. Hey don't start emailing me.... I did say supposed to be more evolved, I guess theres always an exception to a rule as I feel has been proven in recent days.

So anyway, Mr Malthouse has been running around like that chap from Dad's know the one that scream's "don't panic" over and over only hes been screaming "ban the bullbreeds!". People have been expressing their disgust at the crazed idea but it wont be until Mr Malthouse has to stop for a quick glass of champers that he notices he's the only one screaming it. I cant see the Kennel Club about to agree to ban one of the most popular breeds they register. I dont actually think for a  minute the Met want to go around seizing every single bullbreed off the streets either. Even the RSPCA would find it hard to actually say "oh yes Kit, what a fantastic idea!"

Everyone  is just staring at him like a bug under a microscope wondering if hes actually looked at the past 18 years of failed Breed Specific Legislation.

I emailed Mr Malthouse a week ago asking how his ban will work. His website does say "feel free to send me your views. I wont be shy in telling you mine" but I have had no reply. I wanted to know about rotties, would they be banned too? They arent bull breeds but have been involved in a number of high profile incidents. If we are gunning for the rotties too do we cover all molloser breeds? What about the crosses? Are we going to do another type thing cos wouldnt that just be a whole new can of worms to dive right into and make a bigger mess of.  Lets face it, us brits do like to make a mess of quite a lot don't we?

Some of the classics Mr Malthouse has used in his "reasoning" include Ontario and his claims that BSL has reduced incidents, he didnt mention the Netherlands though. They only went and repealed their ban after statistics showed it did nothing whatsoever to protect anyone. He also goes on to say how the Met are on course to seize over 1000 dogs this year. Yup, 12-1300 is closer to it at a likely cost of around 2 million pounds of taxpayers money (during a recession I might add) . However a tiny percentage of those dogs are actually  alledged to be dangerous.  Between 28/2/09 and 31/7/09 332 dogs were seized for offences under section one (thats the banned breeds). Only 17  of those dogs were also subject to a section 3 charge. During the same time period 65 dogs, regardless of breed, were seized under section 3. So 65 dogs were allowed to act in such a way that caused fear of injury to a person and were seized while a further  315 were seized cos they
looked a bit like a breed of dog this country doesnt recognise.

Yay for Chimps...I mean Brits!

So Mr Malthouse keeps yelling, the papers keep printing and suddenly I remember being 11 years old. I had my appendix taken out then and I learnt your appendix has no use at all, it literally does nothing. Sometimes though it can start niggling you, making its presence felt. Maybe its got a bit fed up being ignored and wants
you to remember its existence. It can, if left to get on with it, cause a whole heap of problems including death.

Fear not tho, the answer is simple. If it gets too annoying you simply have it removed and thrown away.

Here endeth the lesson.


  1. It seems Mr. Malthouse wasn't hugged enough as a child. What is his email? I'd like to give him a word or two.

  2. His email?

  3. Brilliantly inspiring as always :)

  4. I have just found this blog through twitter, indirectly. Great blog, good points. Banning the breed on account of what? Speculation and media hype... ridiculous.

  5. good analysis on weapon-dog malthouse, but why pick on the banana? it's a wonderful fruit that forms the staple diet for a large part of the world's population, keeps several economies afloat and produced the superhero bananaman.

  6. Just because humans are supposed to have evolved from chimps or whatever, it doesn't mean that is truth, It's just a theory but the problem is that the information is given in schools as a fact. I just know that it's a fact that I need my medication of Viagra Online to help myself before the intimacy.