Thursday, 11 June 2009

Is this the "status dog unit? I wish to report status dogs!

The RSPCA and Met police are screaming "Status dogs" from the rooftops. The Curse of the Status Dog is very real, dontcha know! So much so the Met have set up a "Staus Dog Unit" specifically to tackle the issue. Specialist police officers and an RSPCA inspector will work together to rid the world (well London at least) of dogs used by their owners simply to better their Status.

But are they actually "acting" on information given? In order to find out Ryan O'Meara from rang them to find out...with a shocking outcome! Below is the transcript of the call:

Ryan: "Hello, I need to speak to the team operating the status dog unit"

Call Handling: "Sorry, sir. The dog unit?"

Ryan: "No. The status dog unit. You know about the status dog unit, right?"

Call Handling: "Erm, hold please."

Call Handling: "Do you mean you want to report a dangerous dog?"

Ryan: "No!! I want a report a status dog. I want to report several status dogs!"

Call Handling: "Sorry sir. Could you explain more about what it is you wish to report?"

Ryan: "Will it get passed on to the status dog unit?"

Call Handling: "Sir, I will ensure it gets passed to the correct team."

Ryan: "The status dog team?"

Call Handling: "Sir, I assure you all reports are routed to the most appropriate officers."

Ryan: "OK, so long as it goes to the status dog officers. I have only recently heard about the status dog unit and it's about time too. Well four weeks ago I was watching TV and there, bold as brass, Sharon Osbourne was flounting a little status dog in full view of a crowd of onlookers. She was even happy for it to be pictured so there is photographic evidence. The unit can act on that. Now, you might know but Britney Spears is currently in London, she is a KNOWN status dog owner. Absolutely brazen she is. I know that she has......"

Call Handling: "Sir, you know it is offence to waste police time and we have traced your call"

Ryan: "Yes. And?" (I paused)

Call Handling: "Sir, you are reporting celebrities to the police. Do you actually have an offence to report?"

Ryan: "YES!!! They all have status dogs and they don't seem to care who knows about it. I want your newly established status dog unit to act."

Call Handling: "Sir, I suggest you think carefully about how you use police time, this is...."

Ryan: "No! You're not listening. You have a status dog unit, why won't you listen to me??"

Call Handling: "Sir, I have routed your call and it is not located in juristiction of the Metropolitan area. Do you live in the London area?

Ryan: "No."

Call Handling: "Where are you located?"

Ryan: "I'm in the East Midlands. But the status dogs I saw where in London. Leicester Square, mainly. I have times, dates, names....."

Call Handling: "Sir, you are not reporting a crime...."

*Ryan interrupted hard here*

Ryan: "What? Of course I am. I must be. Why do you have this status dog unit?"

Call Handling: "I don't know about this particular unit but we deal with dangerous dogs, not dogs belonging to celebrites"

Ryan: "OK, but....."

*dead tone* - Hung up on Ryan

I dont know whats more shocking...that Call handling stated they "Didnt know about this particular unit" or the failure to take the Status Dogs report seriously. We asked Mr O'Meara for an exclusive quote.

"Having heard about the newly formed status dog, I thought it would be important to alert this publicly-funded police department about the sheer number of status dogs on Britain's streets. Celebrities and their ilk who boldly flaunt their status dogs need to be aware that the Met Police is on to them! Turning up at film premieres with the little pocket pooch is now going to incur the full force of the law. I'm not entirely sure what law is broken but I can only assume that some law must have been breached - otherwise why even have such a unit? I spent some time checking for the legal definition of a status dog as it was my intent to double check that I wasn't breaking this new law myself. Sadly I wasn't able to ask my question and in all honesty, I don't think I was taken very seriously when trying to help the police capture these status dog-owning villains."

In order to better protect the public from Status Dogs will be setting up their own Status Dog unit to help report on the true extent of the problem. Keep an eye on website for more information when the New unit launces shortly.

Together, we can make the streets safer.


  1. why does your article sound like its taking the pee? Status dogs come in all shapes and sizes and not just the handbags of the rich and famous. this is poor taste especially as so many children are being ripped apart by the status dogs you are jesting about you know the ones that are trained to be nasty maiming machines to make the owner look cool the ones with the scars on its nose from the fights its been in those status dogs.

  2. Oh my goodness, status dogs seriously scare the living days out of me!

    Dogs do too ha! Dog units in London probably train their dogs well enough to tell the difference between a criminal and a civilian. Vicious and deadly if needed to be. I appreciate what you are saying mate.

  3. The writer of this article is clearly a complete moron. If you want to reach the Status Dogs Unit you don't dial 999 and tie up the phone line when people with real emergencies are trying to get through!
    You can call 101 or email It is a serious unit set up to combat dogs which have been trained and bred for the purpose of fighting, such as Pit Bull Terriers, to stop them savaging other dogs and people. It isn't for chihuahua's in Paris Hiltons handbag, you complete idiot!